Finding a Right Life Partner, When Parents Are Arranging Your Marriage

Posted by Ananth Vitlani

April 5, 2009

In our Indian culture, it is the parent’s responsibility to search a match for their children at marriageable age, even though they are unaware of their children’s outlook. As always, they look for caste – religion, economic and social status, which is rational from their point of view.

Since last decade, in the course of globalization, today’s generation has become more educated, matured and is looking for emotional compatibility, goals in life, personal aspiration, likes and dislikes, which is practical from their point of view. And good thing is that the parents are beginning to understand and approve their choices.

With these two points of views, finding a compatible life-partner, when parents are arranging your marriage is a complex subject. Let’s try to figure out some elements, which can help you choose right one to be happy for the rest of your life.

Analyze yourself…
First of all, you have to figure out, what you are expecting from your partner. Make a list of your expectations and look for the individual who can fulfill your criteria. If you are looking for a partner who stays at home and takes care of you and children, then avoid choosing the person who has high professional qualification and interest in making a career and vice versa. Suppose you love sky diving and your spouse doesn’t but he/she is of adventurous nature, then you can teach and both can enjoy the activity. There are hundreds of permutations and combinations you have to consider. You just have to make sure that your expectations should not clash with your partner’s individuality.

Consider Family background…
First of all, in our culture, marriage is not only a knot between you and your partner; it is a union of two families. Secondly, your parents, who gave you birth, raised you, got you educated and your siblings with whom you have shared all bitter sweet moments of life up till now, have their own expectations out of this wedding and you simply can’t ignore them. Many a times we all have observed the conflict between husband, wife and in-laws have many times resulted in to a split. It happens due to a clash between expectations. To make a balance is a daunting task to accomplish. It requires high level of understanding. You have to consider your family; you have to compromise as much as possible, keeping yourself and your partner on a top priority. You just have to keep in mind the only bottom lines that you and you partner are going to live to gather for the rest of your life.

Astrology and Numerology…
Astrology and Numerology is an ancient science. Some believe and some don’t. We have observed that even after matching horoscope couples have been separated. The problem here is we hardly find the people who possess profound knowledge of astrology and numerology. If you find a genuine astrologer or an authentic numerologist, there is no harm in consulting them and look for a piece of advice. I would rather like you not to depend totally on this but treat this science as an additional help. You never know sometime it can tell you an untold story and help you when you are confused and unable to take a decision.

Meet over and again….
Then how can you select a life partner of your dream in a small meeting arrange by your parents? You will never. So you have to meet and talk with your prospective partner over and again. The most significant aspect that makes any marriage happy is the desire to give happiness to others without any expectation. You have to go different places, you have to talk a lot and get an idea how your prospective partner treat others; such as waiters, taxi drivers, bus boys. How he or she is behaving with his or her parents and siblings? So meet your prospective partner at different places over and again, talk to him or her, you will definitely get an idea of attitude, approach, communication and level of understanding. One thing you have to remember that someone who treats other poorly will someday treat you poorly as well.

Conclusion…
We need to accept the reality that two individuals are not born same; no marriage is or can be ideal. Marriage is bliss, which can become a misery too. Marriage is an understanding between two individuals, and unfortunately this understanding has never been defined. And that’s a huge challenge. You have to take on this challenge and succeed.

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